December 2012
1 post
February 2012
1 post
December 2010
1 post
April 2010
1 post
“Do I really wanna turn out like Gabe? 26. Single. Tied to my desk. No life no family. I want to have been married by the time I would’ve turned thirty. That’s just… that’s just depressing.”
—Michael Scott
March 2010
2 posts
“Michael Scott: Dwight?
Dwight Shrute: Sorry, Michael, I’ve got calls to make.
Michael Scott: I would like your undivided attention please.
Dwight Shrute: [squarely] You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” —
Dwight Shrute: Sorry, Michael, I’ve got calls to make.
Michael Scott: I would like your undivided attention please.
Dwight Shrute: [squarely] You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” —
February 2010
4 posts
“Scissor me!”
—Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich)
“People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It’s great. Eventually they’ll rise up and revolt. My only hope is they do it sooner rather than later. If people here were our founding fathers the Revolutionary War would’ve been delayed ten years. Because Stanley Washington was napping. And Phyllis Hancock was still signing the Declaration. And Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.”
—Dwight Schrute
January 2010
3 posts
“
Dwight Schrute: I stole the guest list from Jim’s desk. And I search engined every female on both sides of the family.
Michael Scott: Get out of here. Oh. My. God.
Dwight Schrute: For instance, Pam’s cousin… Jocelyn Webster [holds up Facebook profile printout]
Michael Scott: There’s a name!
Dwight Schrute: Two years ago, she was selling a mountain bike.
Michael Scott: Oh, well, tell me about Jocelyn. What’s she like?
Dwight Schrute: She’s really into mountain biking but not so much lately.
Michael Scott: Ok…
Dwight Schrute: She had a couple hundred dollars to spend. I mean, if she was able to sell her bike.
Michael Scott: Is that all you have on her?
Dwight Schrute: Well this isn’t in fact her, because it’s a very common name.
Michael Scott: Ok. You’re an idiot.
” —
“How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well what if the recipient is your notary?”
—Angela
“Here’s the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That’s what happened to O.J.”
—Michael Scott
December 2009
8 posts
“When I discovered YouTube, I didn’t work for five days. I did nothing. I watched Cookie Monster sing Chocolate Rain about a thousand times.”
—Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich) (via amegrowsinbrooklyn)
“What is it like being single? I like it! I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I’m optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.”
—Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich)
“Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only … pretending to be a man, I’m the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it’s not, not like penis-wise.”
—Michael Scott (via jackiegarlich) (via haleystumble)
“
Jim: You can’t yell out “I need this, I need this” as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
” —via
“Every little boy fantasizes about his fairytale wedding.”
—
Andy Bernard
(via jackiegarlich)
(via haleystumble)
“
Zyan: I’m Zyan. I’m Mikyla’s younger brother.
Michael Scott: Well Zyan I am not going to be paying for your tuition.
[sportive laughter from the room]
Michael Scott: Which brings me to my main point. And that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody’s tuition. I’m so sorry.
” —(via jackiegarlich)