Dwight Shrute: Sorry, Michael, I’ve got calls to make.
Michael Scott: I would like your undivided attention please.
Dwight Shrute: [squarely] You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” —
Dwight Schrute: I stole the guest list from Jim’s desk. And I search engined every female on both sides of the family.
Michael Scott: Get out of here. Oh. My. God.
Dwight Schrute: For instance, Pam’s cousin… Jocelyn Webster [holds up Facebook profile printout]
Michael Scott: There’s a name!
Dwight Schrute: Two years ago, she was selling a mountain bike.
Michael Scott: Oh, well, tell me about Jocelyn. What’s she like?
Dwight Schrute: She’s really into mountain biking but not so much lately.
Michael Scott: Ok…
Dwight Schrute: She had a couple hundred dollars to spend. I mean, if she was able to sell her bike.
Michael Scott: Is that all you have on her?
Dwight Schrute: Well this isn’t in fact her, because it’s a very common name.
Michael Scott: Ok. You’re an idiot.” —
Jim: You can’t yell out “I need this, I need this” as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!” —via
Zyan: I’m Zyan. I’m Mikyla’s younger brother.
Michael Scott: Well Zyan I am not going to be paying for your tuition.
[sportive laughter from the room]
Michael Scott: Which brings me to my main point. And that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody’s tuition. I’m so sorry.” —(via jackiegarlich)