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I’m not gaining anything from this seminar. I’m a professional woman, the head of accounting. I’m in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it’s insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore.
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Pizza, great equalizer. Rich people love pizza, poor people love pizza. White people loves pizza, black people love pizza. Do black people like pizza?
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Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News, one was Tracy Chapman Fast Car. And my personal favorite: Short People.
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It’s good to be paranoid. People need to be more paranoid. Case in point, JFK. If I had been JFK, I would’ve seen all three gunmen. I would’ve pulled out my concealed Luger and fired first. Man in book depository, boom! Grassy knoll, boom! Fake Jakie, boom! Then I’d shoot myself, so I don’t change history and create a paradox, boom! But right at the last minute I twist out of the way of the bullet. Nice try, history. Better luck next year.
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Angela: I can’t believe they’re going to fight over me.
Kelly: I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.
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I’ve had two men fight over me before. Usually it’s over which one gets to hold the camcorder.
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When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. Right now the title of Michael’s book is ‘Something Weird Is Going On… colon… What Did Jan Say?’ The Michael Scott Story. By Michael Scott with Dwight Schrute.
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Remember when people used to say “boss” when they were describing something really cool. Like, “those shoulder pads are really boss man.” “Look at that perm, that perm is so boss!” It’s what made me want to become a boss. And I looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. But now, boss is just slang, for jerk in charge.
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